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October 01, 2010



I, and many others I'm sure, believe that's a lovely and unselfish gift.


You may think you "overanalyzes every freaking thing" but you can know you have done all you can to make the most informed decision. I would think that the family that is potential made from your donation would be thankful and in turn teach that to the child from the embryo.


Thank you. Just..thanks. I have an 18 month old who is the joy of my life thanks to embryo donation. We were out of $$ with bad eggs and bad sperm - it was really our last hope at having a family. I hope to one day be able to contact her genetic family so she can get to know them. I know she has 2 sisters out there and I think she deserves to meet them.


As an infertility sufferer, I think you are doing a great thing. I am also the Aunt of two adopted boys. Selfless acts like yours make people's dreams come true.


You know that person at the door may not be angry with you. They may just want to say thanks. And while your decision is not the decision I could (or did) make, I applaud you for knowing your own mind and doing what you feel is the right thing.


I see nothing wrong with embryo donation. If you don't want to use them then why not let someone else have a chance. Seems logical to me. Good for you!


Our first son is the result of IVF & our 2nd son is the result of a "this probably won't work, there are only 2 embryos that survived the thaw and one is terrible" FET.

If we had any embryos left, I would really struggle with this decision & I think my husband would too. I think it's great that donating your embryos works for your family!


I'm of the opinion that if you're ok with it, I'm ok with it. I don't think I would want the potential of my genetic material walking around without me knowing or caring for it, but I'm something of a territorial control freak. I also have no personal experience with infertility, so I'm not sure my opinion is all that worthy, anyway.

If I could get past that, I think I would still want to know the outcome of my embryos. Not who they are, necessarily, but do they exist in person form or not. Of course, that might just be because I can't stand ambiguous endings, real or fictional.

In any case, I think the ability to give such a gift freely and without reservation is a wonderful thing, and I'm sure the families on the waiting list feel the same way.


I was given up at birth and adopted. Despite the dysfunctional garbage that came later in my family, I have always respected and admired the decision made by my birth mother. As a parent, I could not imagine how difficult the separation must have been even if she was convinced of the "rightness" of the decision from a logical standpoint. As a teacher I see parents who have "kept" their children at times when that is not, in fact, acting in the best interest of the child.

By choosing to put the embryos in a position where they are least likely to succeed, you are certainly not acting in their best interest. By giving hope and opportunity to a couple who so desperately wants to raise a child, you are putting them in a position that is good. Your decision is truly a gift to many!


This is your decision, and whatever you and A decide is the right choice. And I hope some struggling couple hits the jackpot with your embryos.


What a wonderful and selfless thing for you do to. Hopefully, any child that come from one of the embryos will be taught by a grateful parent that you knew that the best decision for your whole family was to give another family the opportunity to have a beautiful, wanted and very much loved child. God bless you.


I think it's a lovely choice!


This is utterly, utterly fascinating. I am RIVETED. And if you would like my uninformed and uninvolved opinion (that is, I can't claim to have any personal experience to give my opinions weight), my FEELING is that a person who had been a donated embryo would feel much different about things than a person who had been a donated baby. It just FEELS DIFFERENT, when I try to imagine it.

It also feels like such a wonderful thing you're doing for someone else.

I think I would have been the same as you: it would have been too difficult in a time of insufficient fertility to imagine trying to deal with an overabundance later.


If it were me, I would want to have an open adoption, where the identities of the people involved are known to each other. I think trying to keep secrets about it makes it harder and suggests that there is something wrong with adoption. When the child eventually finds out, they have to deal with feelings of shock and maybe even betrayal. If they are told their true story from an early age in a positive way and maybe even see the genetic family once in a while, I would think that would seem normal for them.


Perfect timing for reading this today. The creator of IVF won a Nobel Prize today! He has "fathered" over 4 million children. We were one month from IVF when I discovered I was pg with Alaina. I know the parents who receive your gift will be so thankful for that blessing.


Late to the party, but came here via Swistle's link, and just wanted to say that this is such an under-discussed topic - thank you for bringing it up. And from my perspective, it's a wonderfully giving thing to do.

I agree with Swistle that it 'feels' different than the idea of placing a child for adoption, though I've never been in either boat, so it's all theoretical for me. While there are a lot of similarities to adoption, I think that the possibility of an emotional 'why didn't you want me' response is far smaller in these cases. In the event that a child develops from these embryos, it's not a certainty that they would have developed if you'd implanted them, so the 'if only you'd kept me' thoughts would be very different than they might be in adoption.


As I person who will be facing infertility in the future, I am very thankful for people like you. Thank you for making such a selfless and noble decision.


Thank you so much for talking about this. And thank from the heart of an infertile on the other side, wondering about embryo transfer.


As I think you know/suspect, it's not a choice I could make for emotional reasons (and it was one of the reasons why we couldn't/didn't choose IVF), but I am INFINITELY grateful on behalf of friends that mine is not the only opinion/reaction to this one, because there are mothers and fathers out there thanks to you and people like you.

I would struggle with never knowing what happened, too. It's REALLY none of my business, but did you consider a program with more openness? I used to follow blogs with folks who used DE who had open-ish situations with their donor families.


We're going through infertility treatments to conceive our second. This time has been 8 months (and counting) so I know the struggles of being disappointed each month.

I think what you're doing is incredibly selfless and wonderful and I know your decision didn't come lightly.


I contemplated the same with mine, and in the end could not do it anyway. I oftten miss my embryos and wish they'd had a chance in this big world.

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