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April 15, 2008

Comments

Jill

That brought me to tears. When you right about the loss of your mother my heart aches for you. I haven't lost a parent, but I agree, that it is something that you should never "get over".

AmyinMotown

I'm so sorry. If it helps, my grandmother died when she was 82, after a long full life, and my mother was 47, with two grown kids. It was years before my mom could talk about her without tearing up and she still says she thinks about her all the time and misses her. And they were not extra close or anything, even. All this to say that of course you don't just someday "get over it'-- it becomes part of our everyday reality but it's never something you stop thinking or caring about. It seems like it would be harder still because your mom was taken by cancer so young.

On frivolous notes--I think your hair is cute, the bangs make you look younger and join the Y!! We just did and LOVE IT. It's painful financiallly for us so it motivates our sorry butts to go. And they have child care while you work out. Let me repeat that--child care while you work out. It's like heaven.

Lisa

I agree, you never get over losing a parent. And although it doesn't define you, that loss becomes part of who you are. As my family says, you "get it", meaning you understand how precious life is, in a way that perhaps other people that haven't experienced loss can't.

Thinking of you, your mom... and my dad who we lost on May 4, 1999.

Jen

I feel for you & your family. My FIL was killed by a drunk driver on February 5, 2005 & my father died June 11, 2006. I too will never get over it...either of them. In fact I'm still pissed they died at the young age of 63 & 64 when all these other people get to live to be 80 or 90. I WANT/NEED just a couple of healthy years w/ my dad & my FIL so my young children can have a grandfather. Like you I live my life, I'm happy, I have a great life BUT I so badly want them to be part of it. I miss them horribly.

Tracy

Get over it? why on earth would someone even say something like that?

You don't "get over it". At best, it gets easier to live with. I haven't lost a parent yet. But my dh did, and I know that there are times that it still cuts like a knife, suddenly, abruptly. And it's been 24 years. You never "get over it" during your lifetime.

Melani

My dad died 20 years ago (I was 12, he was 39) and I still think of him all the time. I agree that you don't ever "get over" losing your parent.

It just always feels so unfair.

Jill

I'm sorry this is still so hard. A friend of mine read "Motherless Daughters" and said it was a tremendous help to her. Just a thought.

gretchen

My dad died May 24, 1997 - almost 11 years ago. I think of him every.single.day. Thinking of you with love and understanding.

Erinity

I was raised by my grandmother and mother - no father. Mom was more like a father figure, gram was my comfort, my mother. I got married 4 years after she died, and I wept the night before I got married because she wouldn't be there, and wouldn't meet my husband. I wept when I got pregnant 7 years after she died, and I thought that she would never hold my son. A dear friend said that my grandmother was holding him for me before he was born, and it really moved me.

Grief for a parent doesn't end. It hits you more infrequently, but it doesn't end.

Nicole A.

I've been thinking of you Linda, and how you dealt with selling your moms house. My mom's house just sold and we have been emptying the last of ours and her things that were stored there. I took home a jacket of hers and put it over the back of a chair in my kitchen last night. Today, I walked by and I could SMELL her perfume. OMG. It was wonderful and aweful at the same time. I sat there hugging the coat trying not to bawl. Tis been about 2.5 years since she's been gone here. Kicked in the chest is a good description of the feeling. Thanks for sharing about this again. Its good to be reminded I'm not alone. And no, I'll never be "over it".

Donna

My mom died of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma on July 10, 1992 - I remember it like it was yesterday. I will NEVER get over it - almost 16 years later it still feels like it was yesterday. In the years since she has been gone, I've gotten married and had 2 children, and sadly, each occasion has made me miss her even more, if that's even possible. Each time one of my kids does something adorable, I think "wouldn't my mother just plotz to see this!"

You learn to live with it, but you never get over it. Time definitely helps, but for me, I will never get over it.

My dad died on October 4, 2006 and I am not ashamed to admit that I was actually happy for him that he would be with her again.

Miss X

My dad died just a little over a year ago and I know that I will never get over it.
My mom and dad were completely inlove and my mom is devastated. It is crazy to me that there have been people in her life tell her she should really be moved on by now. Insane and such an insult.

Allison

I read your post last night, and started to comment, but I just couldn't find the right words. Not that I have found them today, either, but....please know that I am thinking of you and am sorry that you are hurting.

Emma B

My dad died ten years ago, when I was 21. I don't think about him every single day any more -- he's been gone my whole adult life -- but I still do so frequently, and special moments are always bittersweet without him.

If this baby is a boy, he'll be named after Dad, and I am selfishly hoping the baby would also look like him, as Claire does.

Rachel

I have nothing unique to add. My dad's been gone 32 years in July. My memories of him are vague and frozen in a six-year-old mindset. My sister was a toddler when he died and she has no memories of him at all. And yet we both still grieve his loss. I said to her as recently as last week that I'm GLAD we don't get over things like this. To be able to "get over it" would mean that somehow the loss were less signficant or that we are somehow less emotionally sensitive. The lingering pain is evidence of how special that brief relationship was - and how special he was.

Tuesday

My father died 4 years ago and I feel the same way. Maybe it would be different if I got to say goodbye or if he and I were older, but it didn't happen that way.
I still miss him, I am still not whole because of it and that remains the same forever.

Jerri Ann

My father died 18 years ago and my mom is terminal now. It took me 12 years of deep depression to get over losing my dad. My prayer is that I can move on this time, not get over it, no one gets over it, but to get through it...getting through it is the important part.

Never expect yourself to get over it, 18 years have gone by and I'm not over it. I too feel as if someone has kicked me in the chest and I felt that way just reading about your feelings. Just remember, get through it, not over it.

karla

Linda,
I am so sorry you have to miss your mom....that she doesn't get to see your kids grow up or that she didn't get to meet C at all. That sucks. You are right. Anyone that thinks you should be over it SHOULD get kicked. Hard.
Your mom was a beautiful person. Everyone who knew her loved her.

nikki

My father-in-law has been gone for almost 6 years. My husband still is crushed by it. He lost his best friend, his father. How can anyone get over that?

We recently lost my grandma and I feel it everyday. I'm waiting for the feeling of wanting to pick up the phone to call her and tell her something new that went on today to end.

Jenn

If someone can "get over" losing a parent, they need to seek help. There has to be an emotional issue for them to "get over" the death of someone so close to them. You don't/shouldn't get over losing the most important people in your life.

kate

It will be 7 years on August 17th that I lost my dad and it is still hard. I don't think I will ever not miss him. Same with my Aunt that I lost when I was 15 and that is 12 years ago. She lived with us most of my life. She was more of a sister than an aunt. I hate when people tell or insinuate to anyone how they should heal and when honestly no one has that right.

Laura K.

No, I don't think you ever do *get over* anything like that. I don't think we're meant to. How could anoyone get over a loss that big?

One of C's aunts is at the end of her life, and it is so hard to watch her son, her parents, her siblings go through all this pain. We're sad, too, but I can't even imagine the depth of this for all of them.

Bev

Bravo~~well said! The end of this month marks five years since my mom has been gone, and I too, will never, ever, ever be over it. Every year on my oldest's birthday I cry because she was there and the first to hold him. I still do my best to make the day great for him, and then I get into it. There are always going to be events like that, but like you said,my mom would also want me to keep living. I, too, have an awesome family whom I love very much. I'm so blessed as are you. No one who has lost their mother will get over it, and no one should ever expect them to.

Abacaxi Mamao

I don't have any special insights, except that I work with some older ladies (in their 70s) and a few of them recently told me that they think about their moms every day, at least once a day. And they lost them 20-30 years ago. So I don't think it's something anyone ever gets over, no matter how old you are, or how old your mom is, when she dies. I imagine it's much worse, in so many ways, when you/she are young and the death is less expected, though.

My thirteen year old cousin died two years ago, and even though I wasn't super-close to him, I don't think I'll ever really get over it.

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