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October 12, 2007



Someone told me last year that it takes 5 years to really come to terms with the death of someone you love. The first year is so taken up with the logistics of winding up someone's life that the emotional side of it comes to the fore later. It's been 2 and a half years since my mother died and I still find her loss overwhelming. My kids hit milestones and I think she's not here to see them. Last spring my daughter graduated from high school and watching that was so bittersweet as I thought of my mother's absence.

It does get better but I'm not convinced the ache will ever go away. My sympathies for your sorrow.


(((((Linda))))) I am sorry you are feeling so sad. It sucks that your mom isn't here to meet C. I hope you feel better soon.

Kate W.

UGH... I totally understand... I still think about how my Mom will never know Sarah or Henry. Not a day goes by without me thinking "Man I wish she could see this" or "What the Hell do I do now?!!" It is hard and understandable to feel what you are feeling! I just keep talking to them about the pictures we have or just say something about how Maumau would be so happy you ate all of your eggs! One time..."
They like the little stories I tell them about her.


I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I too feel robbed almost every day that we lost my FIL four years ago this month at 61 when M was 7 months, especially when it comes to the kids (we named B after him too). I can't even imagine how my husband feels. M is a little more than a year older than E and L and last year she didn't talk about him too much either. But in the last few months she has begun to ask lots of questions and has even come up with her own special name for him, so don't be surprised if they do start to talk about her and remember her more, especially if you talk about her with them, which I am sure that you do. I will be thinking about you today!


Linda, that was very touching. I am truly sorry for your loss.


Linda, I am truly so sorry for your loss. Your mom must be so proud of you and your whole family. What an honor for C to be named after her.



My Father died when my twins were 13 months old. They will never know him and this just kills me. Now that I am pregnant I wish he could be here to share the news with him, to see him so excited again for him to at least hold my new baby one time.

It is very hard, the years just pass but the loss is still there. I know.


the second year was definitely harder for me. the suckerpunch feeling has subsided and then you just have a hole and for me, the unfairness started sinking in. ugh - i'll be thinking about you today.


I think people are always wary of bringing up old hurts, too. Of course you're not over it -- but after the initial rush of grief, it's harder for people to know when or if you'll want to talk about it.

I believe your mom knows about her new granddaughter. And I believe it's OK to let yourself feel that weird mix of happy and sad about it.


Oh Linda this made me weep. I am SO sorry.

Jen A

I'm so sorry, Linda.

Anne Glamore

You know I'm feeling it, too. It will be 2 years since my mom's death in exactly 2 weeks, and she would be 66 now also.

I'm still at the point of thinking first- gosh I haven't talked to her in a long time-- before i remember why.

Hugs to you on this difficult day.


I'm sorry. That was really touching.


I'm sorry.

I do think it gets easier, but that you never forget, and also that there are harder times occasionally.

While I believe this is true, I haven't lost one of my parents yet. My husband said this though, and his mom died when he was 18. He said the worst times (other than the first year) have been when we had our children. That's when he wishes she was here - to see them, to hold them. He tells them all, Your Abuela (grandma in spanish) would have adored holding you.

The words are so inadequate, but they are all I can say - that I'm sorry.


I am so sorry.


Linda, thanks for sharing this lovely tribute with us.


Thinking of you and wishing you the best.


This post made me cry, and I just wanted to let you know that I feel very sad for you. I can't imagine how you are feeling, but it terrifies me to no end that someday I might.


Your post broke my heart, Linda. I'm so sorry.

Laura K.

What a hard day for you, Linda. I looked at C's picture the other day and was struck by sadness for you that your mom won't get to meet her. I'm so sorry.


Oh, Linda, I'm so sorry. It's not fair.




I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post makes me treasure my mother that much more. Thank you for the eloquent reminder.


I am so sorry for your loss. *Hug*


Happy Birthday Indigo Mom.

I feel privledged to come and read what you have shared about your mom with us. She sounds like a special lady and I'm sorry the girls are missing out on knowing her in their daily lives. And what you are missing with her gone.

So sorry.

mary margaret

Linda, so sorry for your loss, and for the loss of not having your mom there for your girls. I lost my mother over 20 years before my first daughter was born, and I continue to wish she were here for every milestone--the pain is less now, but it always hurts. I'm happy for you that you could name C after her. I would have loved to name one of my girls after Mom, but, seriously, Arta? I just couldn't do that to them (they are very grateful to me), but I did give them her initial.


Hi Linda,
I've followed your blog for a long time and just had to comment that I completely understand your feelings and, in fact, could have written many of your posts myself. I lost my mother at the age of 12 and often feel that I miss her now more than ever. I now have two beautiful children(including a daughter I named after her) that she will sadly never meet, about whom she will never be able to offer me any much-missed motherly advice. Although the hole in your heart and your life will never completely go away, I think it does get easier to live with day-to-day as the years pass by. Birthdays and anniversaries will probably always be difficult days for you, but take comfort in knowing that your mother is there in spirit with all of you, and is so very proud of all that you have accomplished and become as a family. Keep her memory alive with your children and strive to continue her wonderful legacy as you mother your beautiful daughters. These are the things that, by doing them, bring me some comfort, and I hope the same for you as you work through your grief. Take care.


I lost my father 30 years ago in August. You never get over such a loss. It gets easier but you never get over it.

Hold on to your favorite memories. Maybe write them on your blog so you never forget.


Linnda, thank you for this. Your sharing of your grief is helping me be gentle with my husband, whose mother is facing cancer. Lots of other crazy things are going down along with it and it's hard for me to just listen without "She did WHAT?" Reading posts like this help me realize the storm of emotions he's dealing with and just be there for him.

Nicole A.

I totally understand those emotions and have been feeling a sense of anxiety since my mom's would-be birthday is about 2 weeks away as well, and about a month away from the anniversary of her death. Sometimes I seriously forget that she never got to meet Kaedon. In some ways its comforting to think that in the back of my mind I just always sensed her there through everything, but yet so crushing to realize she can't relish in the beauty of her grandchildren. It just kills me, as it does you. And your right, only my sisters and close family remember about the days. No one at work will have a clue. Dang it now I'm crying. :) In any case your not alone, and how wonderful to have your daughter to carry on her name. Just keep telling those girls stories about Grandma and showing them pictures. No, its not the same as tangible grandma....but it helps keep her a bit more "real" to the girls.


Oh, Linda. I am so very sorry. Your post brought me to tears today.



i am so sorry and it makes my heart ache everyday knowing that my dad will never get to meet my kids. It makes my heart hurt. he has been gone 6 years and it is still hard. I have been missing him so much lately.


I can't even pretend to understand how you feel, but my heart aches for you just the same. Thinking of you...


My condolences. I don't think you'll ever stop missing her completely and that's ok, too. She almost certainly knew she was loved and cherished by you.


I am so sorry. I lost my father 11 years ago. His birthday was last week and, yes, I cried. Good news is that it happens less and less. He never met my children or husband. I do my best to remember him to my little family. So will you.

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