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May 07, 2006

Comments

Rebekah

Thinking of you and praying for you. I have often felt how unjust it seems when the world has actually kept going during times of personal tragedy. It hurts. I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. (HUG)

SheilaC

Wow. No wonder you don't have the energy to post often, when there is so much hard stuff to tell. My thoughts and prayers continue with you. I'm thankful you have so much help and support, and that there are good things happening in the midst of the sadness and everything.

Potty Time with Bear was our big favourite too. Two years later, I still know all the words to "the Toileteers" song! And our daughter wanted to borrow it from the library again, just for old times' sake. Hope you won't need to watch it for as long as we did!

E and L must be a great source of delight and pleasant distraction for your mom and all of you. What blessings. Give them hugs for me, and again on their birthdays.

Best wishes, and prayers for strength, serenity and peace,

-Blue

I have you in my thoughts, Linda.

My Dad was in a bad auto accident at thanksgiving and I had to go through some similar things so I can empathize. I brought him here to our home for a bit so I can identify with that as well.

Fortunately my dad recovered - you don't have that option - unfortunately there was only me to tend to him and take care of things.

My only assvice is to keep talking: talk to her, relive memories and maybe write them down for E and L, talk to your siblings, even talk to us (my blog kept me sane through all of it). It's a good way to remember and honour your Mum and keep yourself from going 'round the bend.

Take care

-Blue

Ninotchka

I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Susan

Wow! E and L are getting so big! Sliding down slides, interested in the potty (shush...don't say that too loud); two was the best age for both of my girls, the only "terrible" thing about it was the realization that they were outgrowing babyhood.

So glad that you are able to maintain some (small though it may be) sense of routine and normalcy. Nice to hear from you. Post when you are able, there is no pressure, and know that we will still be here when you are ready.

Isabel

"I am so sorry", sounds so inadequate, but please know that I truly mean them. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Meira Voirdire

Thinking of you

Holly

I was typing a comment and re-read it and realized there is nothing adequate.

Your girls are beautiful and wonderful.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless you and your mom and the rest of your family.

Ally

My grandfather passed away several years ago and the last year of his life went much like this. My dad and two of his siblings took on his day-to-day care and it was gruelling, physically and emotionally.

Both my grandfathers died of cancer, one at the hospital and one at home. Giving your mother the opportunity to live her last days and to die at home is a great gift. I am so sorry, and I wish you well.

Libby

Linda, I don't know what to say other than I am sorry, I wish I could make it all go away and I am thinking about you lots and wishing you peace.

Kelly

It feels so wrong to say I am sorry, no words are enough.

I am thinking of you all and my prayers are with you.

MacBoudica

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

It is always harder to post about the hard things, easier and more fun, especially when you are sad, to post funny and fun stuff. And a little of lightening of your load right now is probably a good thing for you. And it is good also, you are moving back to your house. That should be a comfort.

Again,like others have said, anything I have to say seems inadequate. Just know that we are here for you. We support you and wish the best for you.


lisa

I am sorry things are hard, don't worry about us here. We will be here for you when you have time and want to share. At least I'm not going anywhere!

I don't know if you have this option, but Hospice is amazing. The volunteers and staff are there for the family as much as the paitent or client. It's not available everywhere. In small town Montana, I have been fortunite enough to be a volunteer and hope to go back to it now that I am done with school. I had to move my paitent, I had to bath her, I helped her with her bowel movements and changed her bedding. you can be there with the volunteer or take a few hours break by yourself or with your girls.

leslie

I lost my mother last year a few days before mother's day after a long siege with cancer. Those days of caring for her, knowing there was very little time and both treasuring the time/closeness and hating how miserable she was will stay with me forever. It's so incredibly hard. Take care of yourself as best you can and hold on to the good moments as you find them.

Amnesia

I have really been there - in more ways than one. I know that doesn't fix anything, and it doesn't lessen your crisis any...but just maybe if you totally lose your mind and want to talk to a stranger you will stop on by.

When I was 21 years old, two months before my first child was born, my mother died of cancer. This was after moving in with me and my husband, which as you know is bitter-sweet. I unfortunately was too young and stupid to cherish the moments, and have a lot of regret. It was hard - and I know it is even harder for you - a family, two little childre - a job and so many responsibilities. I don't know how you are handling everything.

When I look at my family now - 4 kids (one set of twin babies) I am in awe of your ability to balance everything happening in your life, and am sure that years down the road you will not have regrets.

I am proud of you - of your courage and strength.

liz

Big hugs. Thinking of you.

Have fun with the video. I love the "It's time to get to know your potty chair" song.

Jen A

I am so sorry for your pain, Linda.

meg

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. I wish there was more to do or say. Just thinking of you.

Kate

I have been thinking of you alot lately!

sozzled

Linda, You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Elisabeth

Bev

Unfortunately, I know what you are going through. My mom passed away less than 2 weeks before Mother's Day 2003; my first Mother's day and my own mother was not there. It was beyond awful.
As I read your entries, I remember things being the way you describe them being with your mom. Her being lucid and us crying because we both knew what was going to happen, and we were so sad that we had so little time left. One particularly lucid day, she was in a lot of pain and told me she couldn't do this anymore. I gave her permission to die, and told her I'd take care of my dad and brother, and I'd make sure that my kids would know her. I'd take over things she would do with my brother's daughter; they were very close. It was so hard to tell her that when I just wanted to scream, 'Don't go!' Growing up sucks that way; you know what the right thing to do is, and you have to do it.
Being three years later, I do have some perspective. I know I will always miss her, and that a part of me is missing. I know it will never not suck. But I also know she is always with me. I laugh when I hear myself sound like her when I talk to my kids. When I do something I swear I wouldn't do, that she told me I would, I look up at the sky and talk to her, telling her of course she was right. I see her in my childrens' faces. I am all right, and I had trouble believing I ever would be. I laugh, I smile, I try new things, I feel joy, but I never stop thinking about her. I still cry sometimes, but instead of being a sobbing cry, which left me feeling spent, the crying makes me feel better.
After she passed, I would try to do everything like she did. I think I was trying to hold onto a piece of her. I had to let that go, give myself permission to be my own person even if I was doing something she wouldn't have done.
During her last weeks, we made plans on how we would care for her, but I never could imagine what life would really, REALLY be like when she was gone. With every new recurrence, I was just hoping for more time. I would live a year at a time, then months, and sadly then weeks/days. I just couldn't envision life without my mother.

Sorry if I have rambled on, but it is rare that I hear, or read, of someone young losing their mother to cancer. Someone who knows how it is for your mother to lose her independence, and have to have you wipe her butt for her. The commode and then sadly the day for the catheter. I am so sorry you have to go through this, but am so glad that you are choosing to discuss it on your blog.
You have my e-mail. I also have a blog where I discuss my mom, etc on. It's address is: finallygettingsomewhere.blogspot.com.
And just to prove I'm not a troll, Laura K. has met my husband, son and I in person. We had a lovely dinner, and plan on visiting her in her new home this summer.

Take care of yourself, Linda.
Peace to your family.

Steph

((hugs))

Milenka

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. When my mom and I cared for my grandma through her kidney failure, it was emotionally taxing to an extent that I cannot even explain. Even the help of hospice, as wonderful as they were, could not touch it all. That said, it was what Grandma wanted in her final days, so I'm very glad we did it. I wish your family peace.

Alli

Wishing you peace, and keeping you and your sweet family in my thoughts. ((hugs))

Kathy

A friend of mine sent your blog to me. I, too, am watching my mother slowly die from cancer. (We've been told she has about two to three weeks to live. We're hoping she makes it to Mother's Day this Sunday.) I also gave birth to her 2nd grandchild, Grace, three weeks ago. All I can do everyday is come over and help my sister help take care of mom and just let Gracie lay in mom's arms.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Leah

Just thinking of you...

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