Food Diary

I feel like I have a pretty good idea about my main faults (stubbornness, need to be right, insensitivity when sensitivity is inconvenient, quick temper, pride . . . I could go on, but this is getting kind of depressing) and it's come to my attention that I'm perfectly capable of lying to myself about what I eat. I can totally negate a half dozen cookies without even blinking. I can ignore that a serving of pasta is one cup and a serving of garlic bread is two slices. I can tell myself that I'm estimating a cup of pasta when it's clearly more and that I'm eating the crusts of the garlic bread so four slices count as two. I'm able to ignore the fact that I ate donuts for lunch and pour a second glass of wine at dinner anyway. It's a amazing talent.

I've been trying to figure out what to do, how to solve this problem and get back to to the mindful eating I was doing last year. I don't like how I feel when I overeat and while that should be enough to end this cycle, it does not appear to be. Against my wishes, my brain pointed out that we should put that pride to good use and get some accountability. For some people, writing down what they eat is good enough. I was doing that for a while, but then I started leaving off the alcohol and desserts. Denial is strong here.

I've decided to keep an online food diary and you are welcome to look at if you like. Some of you are probably like "Um. No." and others are maybe "Why? Also: no." I am well aware that it's the height of egotism to have a blog in the first place and to think that someone wants to read WHAT I ATE EVERY DAY is just. . . ugh. I KNOW. But I need some sort of accountability and I am not able to be accountable to myself because I LIE to myself. The only other thing I can think of is to tell A every time I eat something and that's even grosser. I was talking to A about it and he said, "You can just lie online, too." He's right, but if I commit to No Lying or Omitting, then I won't. It will be A Rule and I'll follow it. My brain is weird.

I know there have got to be a couple of you who are weird like me. I *cough* follow a few other people's food diaries. I LIKE talking about food and seeing what people eat and how they find a balance. I like learning about new dishes or new ways to make something or getting new snack ideas.

It's intimidating to tell people exactly what I'm eating. In my mind, you all eat 1200 calories per day of organic vegetables, tofu, and brown rice and will look upon my chocolate chip cookies with disdain. Or you're doing Whole30 and are horrified by my sugar and processed foods. I don't know. I guess all I can do is admit what I eat and be mindful of my strengths (fruit, legumes) and weaknesses (portions, emotional eating, sugar) and go from there. If reading my food diary makes you feel superior, I guess I can serve as a bad example.

I'm committed to be totally honest - even the ugly parts - but I'm hoping that because I have to admit it, it will stop me from eating four brownies. If I were a better person, I would include pictures (those are my favorite food diaries) but I don't want to spend that much time on it. It's weird enough that I'm posting what I eat every day. Please don't judge me too harshly; I honestly don't know how else to break this cycle of overeating/denial. I hope that this is temporary and once I get back into good habits, I can go back to keeping a private journal.

Comments

[Davida]

Long time reader, rare commenter. I have the same feelings about writing eating stuff down in a book. It lasts about a couple of weeks and then I start omitting things. So I will read your food diary. Do you want comments?

[RocketGrl]

Applause. I think you are brave.

I too began forgetting and abandoned by smart phone based diary. I also lost the charger for my fitbit pedometer / activity monitor.

[el-e-e]

I like food diaries. And mine likely looks a lot like yours. Cookies? Check. Brownies? Check. It's so easy to "forget" to put that 2nd glass of wine in the list.

Maybe seeing yours will help me, too, so thanks for being egotistical. ;)

[Andrea]

I have the same talent!
I TRIED a food diary but then I started lying to it (mostly because the large amounts of fruit I eat were causing my calories to way higher than I needed).
I am also extraordinary at lying about how many calories I burned at the gym and how that equates to food. For instance jogging 1 mile = 4 cookies after dinner!
So I have given up on the food diary and I try to stick to MY simple rules: no eating between 8pm-8am, lots of fruits and veggies, and a treat (or 2) every day. It's not perfect but it works for me (and yeah I am totally checking out your food diary and I promise not to judge!)

[Jody]

Just want to point out that although the average American apparently eats 4000 calories a day (WTF? heard that on NPR yesterday), the healthy alternative for women in their 30s is around 2000 calories and it only falls to about the mid-1800s by their forties, so if we were all eating 1200 calories a day, we would be in serious, serious trouble of malnutrition, osteoarthritis, and possible heart/liver/muscular problems.

I have to keep track, too, but my vice is Triscuits. How are six of those things a serving? It should definitely be 18.

[April]

found your blog through a recommendation on Mo's blog this week! Just writing things down is something that makes me more accountable! I swear, knowing that I was going to have to add the end of the kids' quesadillas made me NOT want to eat them. but i notice that i feel hungrier! maybe it's b/c of all of the stuff i know i'm NOT eating!! i haven't clicked your link yet, but i use my fitness pal and notice when things start to end up on your "frequently used" list...that's a red flag for me.

at any rate, yea you! maybe i'll make mine public?? (yeah, maybe not! ha)

[Melani]

I use myfitnesspal.com to keep my food diary. It's free, and helps keep me accountable. I'm only friends with one person and my husband but that seems to be enough to keep me in check.

[RocketGrl]

Jody - Triscuts plus cheddar cheese with an apple slice on top. The apple makes it a perfectly healthy dinner, right?

[Jody]

RocketGirl, I ate triscuits with low-fat cheddar cheese like crazy during my pregnancy because they're pretty good on the diabetic scale, WHEN I stop at six (one serving, 120 calories) -- which I could do during my pregnancy, because the whole gestational diabetes/high-risk pregnancy thing really focused my mind. The PROBLEM is, absent the risk of imminent bodily danger/insulin shock, I cannot STOP at six. It is so irritating: a serving size should be the BOX.

[jen w]

I use MyFitnessPal (it's an app and I can log wherever I am which I find helpful, even if out of town) and it's really helped me a lot. It even breaks down your sugar, carbs, protein etc. You can log your exercise into it and it figures out how many calories you have left. I love it. I also tend to overeat and you are not alone! I too feel so much better when I eat well, and love waking up feeling hungry rather than with a food hangover!! I lost about 15 lb using myfitnesspal and exercise and went a little off track the last month or so. I'm trying to get back on track now because I felt great while doing it!!

[CJ]

I can track what I eat for a short time but it is so tedious! I have tried myfitnesspal and dailyburn.

But I ended up eating primal/paleo anyway (really I just turned into one of those low carb people and I didn't mean to! but if I can have cheese with my eggs instead of toast... ok!) and stopped because, well, it was tedious and I just lost weight by not eating any grains.

Certainly any triscuit issue would be covered by the general rule. And the general rules made my life easier. I'm impressed at your tracking, and in general seems like it is keeping you eating more in line with what you want.

I could maintain a pretty good weightloss with some serious snacking on the side but now that I'm serious about getting to the weight/leanness I had before kids it's off to brush my teeth after the piece of dark chocolate.

The other gripe I have about tracking food (sorry I do want to support you) is that if you *make* your food it is a lot harder vs eating pre-packaged stuff that'll kill you. So I had to input so many recipes and what not. Then again, once that was all done I eat a lot of the same stuff all the time -- 3 eggs, 1 Tb coconut oil, green onions + cheese or avocado or bacon is breakfast 5x/week -- it was a lot easier.