Now I Am Barely Competent

Aw, you guys, I seriously do not have it all together.  I think that part of the appeal of my blog, based on emails and comments, is that I am honest about how hard this woman, parenting, wife-ing, perfectionism gig is.  One of my friends, the same friend who has provided the excellent physical fitness example, told me that one of the best things I've done for her is to acknowledge how hard this mom thing is, how it's not always easy, how despair and resentment are sometimes overwhelming.  I am rarely on top of things.  I am almost always barely treading water.  It's a constant internal struggle for me to let go and accept that I don't have it all together. That's why the times when I feel like I'm doing okay are AWESOME and need to be recorded.

Ask Moxie talked about how difficult it is for moms to ask for help, to admit that we aren't capable of doing everything: cleaning, parenting, outside job, etc.  I am getting better at asking for help, but also better at just letting things go.  Some things are more difficult than others, but we all have to prioritize.  I feel better when I have planned meals, clean clothes, and the house is picked up, but I am up front in admitting that I would rather read a good book than clean-clean the house.  Putting things away: yes!  Scrubbing the toilet: not so much.  Frankly, I need to remember that even when I'm "failing" in my mind, I'm actually doing a terrific job.  Thankfully, A is here to provide that constant positive feedback.

Oh my gosh, you guys, seriously, my youngest has been waking up around 3 or 4 am and whining off and on for a few hours.  The other morning found A sleeping on the big couch and me, after 2 hours of attempted comforting, sleeping on the shorter couch.  She actually drove us out of our room.  The only reason that I had a 2 hour shift of comforting was because A was alone Friday and Saturday night and it was awful and sleepless.  Is it teeth?  The four new molars are all in.  The fact that she drunkenly walked about 4 feet by herself between me and my friend, Karen?  The barely snotty nose she's sporting?  The fact that I have dropped a nursing?  I have no idea.  It wouldn't be so bad except she gets tired early and ends up needing a nap at 11 am instead of 1 pm.  Then she's awake at 1 or so and that means my desperately needed alone time is shot.  By 5 pm she is evil incarnate, but it's too late to put her down for a nap.  So we struggle along until 7 and down she goes, early.  Crabby during the day + frequent waking at night = crabby, tired mama.

Speaking of my friend, Karen, I totally overreacted to L spitting milk at her house.  Spitting is NOT OKAY in our house; I hate it.  We spit toothpaste into the sink and that is it.  Period.  Anyway, she spit milk all over her pizza and the community pizza and I did what any strict parent would do: I packed us all up and went home.  Spitting on food is unacceptable.  I have no problem leaving if my kid is acting inappropriately.  (In this case, spitting on her own food would have resulted in some alone time to pull herself together.  The fact that she covered multiple unclaimed pieces of delicious homemade pizza is why I reacted so strongly).  Upon questioning at home, though, it turned out that she was laughing with milk in her mouth and it was completely an accident.  I felt _{this big}.  Oh, such a horrible mother.  Will CPS be here soon to take my kids away?  Jeez, I felt (feel) awful.

Um, a few more of my failings . . . let's see.  I think E and L will be turning into peanut butter soon.  They eat peanut butter toast for breakfast and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch.  And it's not even healthy peanut butter~it's Jif.  Healthy peanut butter did not work for us, tastewise.  I read the Ask Moxie discussion on high fructose corn syrup and honestly, I care only minimally.  Yes, I would prefer that sugar wasn't hidden in everything, but I don't see how I can cut it completely out.  I try to avoid the obvious culprits~we don't really drink juice or pop~but give up Yoplait yogurt and Heinz ketchup?  I don't think so.  Eliminating all HFCS in our diet would cause me to hyperventilate while attempting to achieve perfectionism.  It's one of those things that I am aware of and try to avoid, but I'm not going to take a running leap toward my kid in order to keep a cracker out of her mouth (although, why the heck is HFCS in crackers?).  I keep trying to steer our family diet in the direction of less processed foods and more whole grains, fruits, and veggies, but I will not castigate myself for serving convenience food sometimes.  I WILL NOT.

(On a related note, I just bought some quinoa.  It's a grain?  You can serve it like rice?  Yes?)

I have been doing the seasonal clothing switch over the last day or so and I am only half kidding when I say that I will be keeping 8 full outfits per child plus 2 dressy outfits and everything else is being donated.  Ninety percent of my kids' clothes are used or handed down, but the sheer volume is ridiculous.  I spent yesterday amid huge piles of clothes: sorting through summer clothes, storing what might fit next year in one container, storing what C can wear in few years in another container, tossing what she's outgrown into the donate bin, and washing, hanging, and sorting the rest.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap.

Comments

[Jen]

As much as I enjoy reading about your successes (really!) these kind of posts make me breathe a little deeper, like I'm doing okay, you know?

OH and also, since we just dealt with this shiz, check THIS out:

http://www.askmoxie.org/2007/10/55-week-sleep-r.html

If I recall, C is just about due for this one. Reading that it was a dreaded sleep regression (or could have been anyway) made me feel less crazy. No less tired mind you :) but, less crazy about WHY WHY WHY are you waking up again??

Good luck - and ours passed quickly. Here's hoping yours does too. :)

[Melody_NC]

I think that's why I like your blog so much as I have the same type of parenting style. Do the best you can with the time/resources/mental energy that you have and forget the rest. Well, try to forget that is, some days I'm better at letting go then others.

I adore quinoa! It's super nutritious (it's a complete protein) and to me tastes very much like brown rice. If you're looking for something a little different then "rice" my two favorite recipes are:

Cranberry Walnut Quinoa Salad:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/juan-carlos-cruz/cranberry-walnut-quinoa-salad-recipe/index.html

Miso Quinoa Dressing w/ Mushrooms & Peas:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/recipe.php?recipeId=1275

I added tofu to this one and it was my first real foray into tofu and I thought it was great. My girls wouldn't try it (they're on the pb&j train right now too) but I loved having something quick and nutritious that I could grab for lunch. Looking forward to see what you think.

[Christine]

Rinse the quinoa before you cook it. It's a pain to rinse because it's so small, but I put it in a bowl, swirl water around, pour most of it out...repeat. Not perfect but it removes whatever it is that's supposed to be removed before you cook it.

Julia did that whining thing last night. It drives me insane, because I'm more than happy to go in if she needs me, but just the low level whine...do I go? Will she sort it out? I end up sitting up thinking about whether the whine is serious enough to require intervention. Hate it.

[Jen]

Others have beaten me to it, but I just wanted to let you know how important the rinsing is with quinoa--otherwise, it tastes really funky.

[Cherish]

Those kinds of posts are what reassure me that everyone finds this parenting thing hard sometimes. Thank you for being so open

[Megan]

Yes, thanks for sharing the good and the hard. It is so amazing when we have those on-top-of-things days, and so comforting to hear that we all share similar struggles, too. It can feel so solitary when you're home alone with kids. Quinoa sounds yummy -maybe you'll inspire me!

[Jenn]

The big HFCS shocker for me was our bread. Really, the crap was in our bread...couldn't believe it. I did some looking and found a bread that uses honey as the sweetener instead.

There's already snow here in Alaska...DD and I had two totally different reactions. I cursed at the window and she ran around saying "I need my snow pants and my boots..." Gotta love 4 yr. olds.