Parenting Arsenal

Some of you may have noticed my new TypeList over on the right side of the screen, just under my list of Blogs I Read That Aren't On Julie's Big List.  Strangely, there are a few crazies who think I am doing an adequate job as a mother and request my reading list.  I have tried to steer them toward trashy romances, but then it becomes clear that they're talking about the parenting part of having kids.  So, here are my regular You Had A Baby - Congratulations!  Doesn't It Sometimes SUCK? gifts.  I think these books are on most people's radar, but just in case:

Mothershock - I reread this recently and I was surprised to be reminded about how horrible those first few weeks and months can be.  We have difficult days with our kids now, but it is nowhere near the overwhelming fatigue, frustration, and doubt of those early days.  She talks about becoming comfortable in her role as a mother and I have definitely reached that point.  It's satisfying to realize~like a graduation of sorts.  Still, you can read this book and weep in gratitude that someone else went through the same thing you are going through or you can read this book and think Thank God it wasn't that bad for me!  Win-win.

Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year - This book is similar to Mothershock except it feels more literary to me and no, I'm not exactly sure what I mean by that.  It's fancier, I guess.  Drink champagne when you read it.  It also has a bit more about faith and God, although nothing off-putting if you are not religious.  It feels more searching and questioning to me.

Attachment Parenting - I know that some of you are put off simply by the idea of attachment parenting (AP) and I'm sorry about that because I have found it incredibly rewarding.  I wonder if those who are so against it really know what it means.  If you only learned about AP through Ezzo's book (or your neighbor who is breastfeeding her 12 year old) then you should know the view presented in that book (yes, I read it) was warped and inaccurate.  Anyway, I picked up this book simply out of curiosity and was stunned at how much sense it made to me: strong bonds, appropriate boundaries, listening to what my child needs.  I love that I treat my kids as people and not just extensions of myself.  I love that this book taught me to trust myself and give in to my desire to really bond with my kids.  I love how happy and secure we are because of this.

Love and Logic - If I could sing the praises of any parenting book, this would be it.  I would be pulling my hair out if it wasn't for the techniques taught in this book.  They are simple, practical, and easy to read and use.  (Yes, the cover is incredibly cheesy, but overlook that please.)  This book has taught me how to get my kids to obey without taking away their ability to make choices or deal with consequences.  It is still tough to be with 2 toddlers every day, but I would be constantly angry and frustrated without this book.

Siblings Without Rivalry - I add this to the mix if it's a second child or multiple birth.  This really opened my eyes to the dangers of comparing and labeling your children~even if you don't do it to their faces~and gave me other ways to celebrate one kid without discouraging the other.  It shows you how to help your children solve their own problems together and keep resentment from sneaking into the sibling relationship.

As with any parenting book, take what you want from these.  Not every technique works for every parent or every child.  I pick and choose what I am willing to do.  But these are the books that have enabled me the most and given me confidence in my parenting skills.

Comments

[Suz]

Thanks for the books .... I'm always looking for good ones to read!

[Abra Leah]

Have you read "The Strong Willed Child?" Someone recommended that to me recently. Because, you know, my girly....

[Reese]

Delurking to say I ADORE "Love and Logic for Early Childhood" amd continue to reread it as my girl grows (1 year in just two weeks!). I'm already looking forward to picking up the original Love and Logic in a few more years.

[Bev]

I just bought the Sibling Rivalry book and am so glad that an actual parent, not just critics, liked it. I read a bit about the dangers of labeling your kids, and it makes perfect sense. Since my two kids are both boys, it is easy to compare them and I shouldn't.

When my second son was a baby, and not sleeping, a friend recommended that Ezzo book. HATED it! Wish I would have read that book on AP parenting that you recommended. Ezzo is obviously anti-AP.

[AmyinMotown]

I just bought that Love and Logic Book and am two pages into it, but already I like it. Nice to hear you're a fan. I can second the rest of your list, but my quibble wth Sears (I read the Baby Book, although not the one you cited) is that he seems to have something of a bias against working moms, especially ones like me who both HAVE and WANT to work. Like it's unnatural to want a little teeny slice of life that's your own--and he never addressed FATHERS staying home. I agree with probably most of the attachment parenting philosophy and follow it as much as I follow anything, but I was very put off by that in The Baby Book. That being said, my SIL lent me Babywise and it made my skin crawl. GUH.

I am also stealing your idea of giving a pile of books as a new-mom gift.

Have you read Traveling Mercies or Plan B? LOVE. THEM. As someone who was very far away from any type of faith for a long time, I can really relate.